Our satisfactory cat Horseflesh approached me this morning and asked, "Why is Vermin [our other, less-than-satisfactory cat] refusing to play 'Let's Thump Vermin About'? I jump on her and all she does is stick her bottom at me." (It should be understood that Horseflesh does not actually speak, but is quite capable of conveying his meaning through other means.)

"Well," I said, "Vermin's going through some changes. She's becoming a young woman...err...cat. To be brief, she's getting interested in toms."

Horseflesh considered. "Is that why she was yowling all night long at the front door, until you threw that towel at her?"

"Yes."

"Why haven't I gotten interested in females?"

"Well, Horseflesh, when you were little we took you on a nice vacation to the veterinarian...."

Some time later, Horseflesh said, "Huh. Well, I think you should talk to Vermin before you take her on a nice vacation. I'll be napping in the dryer, so remember not to turn it on."

I found Vermin rubbing her bottom against the bedroom carpet. "Vermin," I began.

"Here's my bottom!" she said. "Look!"

"Vermin, we need to have a talk about the changes you're going through."

"Here it is again! My bottom!"

"Yes, very nice. Now, tomorrow we're going on a trip...."

"My BOTTOM!"

"Vermin, have you ever wondered why we call you the 'less-than-satisfactory cat'?"

"Bottom bottom bottom bottom. Bottom."

All of which is to say, I'm going to Minnesota for five days, and since I plan to spend as much time as possible submerged, blogging will be light. I hope to become a big pink prune. Ta!