Cecile gets funnier the more I read:

1. Run off with a foreign student to his homecountry, abandoning America because he brainwashed you into becoming a devout elitist 'intellectual' who believes America is decadent, doomed and the EU is the way and Israel, your nation's homeland is the greatest threat to the world.
2. Start taking hippy drugs, and can't distinguish your friends from your pet dog.
3. Abandon all grades because you're hopelessly doomed due to lack of boyfriend, lack of popularity, makeup, car, or other vain teenage needs that are only met by accomplishment and maturity.
4. Join the National Alliance, saying White is the way to go, then call up your multiracial buddies from school and mock them on the telephone and say they are right, I am bloody racist and they better get well damned used to it. Then call up Diverse high school teachers, and invite them to lunch and discuss with them the protocols of the elders of Zion. Sip chamomile teacher while eating roast (extra fat) pork while they turn paler than snow.
5. Win lottery and spend all cash on getting Charles Manson released to show off as new fiance. 'Aw, I know he's old Mom, but he's so very eccentric, your type! Put Manson back in jail after becoming Hollywood's black sheep, go on self-exile in the Bahamas, and live a depraved existence for your last five years until being accidentally shot by cops, confusing you with then murder 'Bigfoot'.
6. Party hard with porn stars, and have one as y our new best friend. 'Hi Mom this is Vanilla Ice, she um, loves to draw...sticks with thorns on them and puts lipstick on her lips and kisses them". Memorize all their names, reeducate them, and pass them all off as lawyers in Washington...only they don't blow their money on shoes, they blow for their money for shoes.

Er, that's things not to do. Just so we're all clear.