Well, I could have told you that. I had the, er, pleasure of participating in some peak cricket years when I worked on the rivers in Northeastern Utah. It's something to see. One must understand, they're quite repulsive. Their big maroon bodies are slightly squishy, not soft like butter but not crisp like a proper insect either, more like a bell pepper turned bad. They don't fly, they just hop around, seemingly at random. We once painted numbers on their backs with Sharpie markers, drew concentric circles around them and had cricket races.
And they certainly do eat their dead. As the article quite accurately states, "Swarms sometimes cross roads, and as these crickets avidly feast on one another, slick driving conditions can develop, experts say." I can testify to the truth of this claim (guess that makes me an expert!). Yup, I've hydroplaned on some cricket swarms in my time, I tell you what. Pullin' a trailer too. Driving into our river put-ins, we'd exit the truck to look back on tire tracks delineated in bug carcasses, which soon became seethingly animate as the living moved to feast, half squished crickets creeping on two front legs as their healthy comrades devoured the remains of their abdomens.
What's more, they inclined toward mass suicide in the rivers. I recall one day floating through Island Park on the Green. The shores were all twitching with little maroon hops and the water teemed with swimmers, crickets by the thousands floating with the current, swirling in the eddy lines, collecting on every obstacle. From inside the boats, the situation resembled a rather tasteless alien invasion film. Any line or strap dangling in the water they would climb up. Even when these avenues seemed closed, you would look down to the self-bailing holes in the boats' floors to see a leg protrude, then another, followed by a leering little face. Our passengers refused to set foot on shore for lunch. Water fights were super-charged with liquid cricket ammo. Waves of crickets broke over the inflatable kayaks in the rapids.
Sorry. Folks, this doesn't happen most years, I promise. And it doesn't last all summer when it does. You should not hesitate to go boating in Utah. I can see why the Mormons hailed some cricket-eating seagulls as a miracle, though.
Speaking of Mormons, it looks like they're making a movie about the Mountain Meadows Massacre. (Hat tip: Chas.)
Update: A cricket article with something intelligent to say.
