I and my wife--the Helen of the Northwest--were sitting on our balcony. Enjoying the view, the clement evening air, the twenty-pound test cobwebs.

"What a lovely night."

"Yes, we're lucky it's so nice tonight."

"Mm."

A pause, a sip of wine. "Do you think we can go back inside?"

"The smoke still looks pretty thick. I think we'd better wait a little longer."

I had been making sopapillas--and successfully, too, until the plastic slotted spoon I had been using melted, sending up enormous clouds of greasy smoke from the frying oil. After the smoke alarm went off, concerned neighbors called the fire department, who broke down the door, sprayed fire-retardant foam everywhere, and dragged us outside.

Or at least that's what would have happened, if I hadn't had the presence of mind to smash the smoke alarm with a really excellent flying front kick before it had a chance to wreak our lives. Thus, we were on the balcony, enjoying the doughy fruits of my labour and waiting for the air to clear so we could watch the Simpsons.

Sopapillas

3 cups flour
1/3 cup vegetable oil (+ approximately 2 cups for frying)
2 tbs sugar
1 tps baking powder
2 tbs salt
1 cup warm water

Mix flour, sugar, and baking powder in a large bowl. Sprinkle in 1/3 cup of oil, mixing as you go, until the mixture is grainy.

Dissolve the salt in the water and add to the flour. Mix with your hands until the texture is consistently doughy. Knead the dough for three minutes, then place on a floured surface and roll out until about 1/4 of an inch thick. Cut into 3 inch squares.

Heat the 2 cups of oil in a saucepan on high heat. When ready, drop the squares of dough in. Burn the first three or five. Melt a plastic spoon over the next couple. Fill the house with smoke. The rest should be a perfect golden brown, although it may be hard to tell with your eye watering. Sprinkle powdered sugar over the survivors. Bite off one corner, curse, and pick a cooler one. Bite off that one's corner and fill with honey. Eat outside, for the sake of the carpet and your lungs.

Lick your fingers. Shiver.