I've been trying to suss out my new role as manager: to find out my duties, privileges, and opportunities for massive, Enron-style fraud. And it came to me that I'm in precisely the same position as any number of rulers in Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

Let us be clear: I am not Liu Bei, virtuous to the point of self-abnegation. I am Cao Cao. Ruthless, efficient, charming, and determined to gather together great heroes to support my cause. The heroes, in this case, are servers and bartenders, but that's beside the point.

I will gather up such advisors and great generals as I need, in order to run my kingdom smoothly while at the same time expanding in all directions. I will steal them from nearby restaurants, with bribes of money, silk, and women. I will send false letters to their managers implicating them in treasonous gatherings, so that they have nowhere to turn but to me. I will take them prisoner in battle, then untie them personally, grant them the greatest horse in existence and a cloth bag for their magnificent beard, all the while attempting to turn them to my ends. WU, SHU, AND WEI! ALL SHALL BE MINE.

Erm. I believe I have gotten rather carried away with my new status. I rather doubt we shall pass down through the ages a poetical account of restaurant management. Still:

But overtopping all ODIOUS the strong
Became first minister, and to his side,
Drew many able men. He swayed the court,
Without, he held the nobles in his hand;
By force of arms he held the capital
Against all rivals.

With apologies to Lo Kuan-chung, and C. H. Brewitt-Taylor.